Mental. Health. Issue.
No one wants to accept when they feel as though something isn't right. It's like knowing that your body is going through something terrible, but if you go to the doctor then you have to admit there's something wrong.
Well, something was wrong. In the last few months it's as if my world was crashing down all around me and my no one knew a thing. All of my symptoms started to slowly get worse until one day, I couldn't go any further. My world stopped. It was unbearable, this feeling of heartache and pain.
What was wrong with me? "I have no reason to be unhappy or sad." I told the doctor. "I just can't stop crying."
Who was this person? Everything was suffering and despite my efforts to workout more, eat healthier, and pray more, nothing helped. It takes a lot of guts to admit when there's something wrong. Our brains are so powerful, so incredible, that we don't always understand what exactly is happening.
This is a world where mental health is a taboo subject and people with depression or bipolar or anxiety are shunned. It's just a subject not many people can grasp. And, if you've never been through something like this, then it's impossible to really understand the mind-body connection and how it affects you.
Well, I felt it. I understand it. It's not fun. It has to be managed. But, more importantly, it has to be accepted.
You Feel Something Isn't Right
Sometimes, your body is a lot smarter than you give it credit for. There are signals that can alert you when something isn't quite right. Whether it's a quick thought or a tinge of pain, your body has it's way of speaking to you.
The worst thing you can do when this happens, is ignore it. Go with your gut feelings. If you are starting to feel off in some way, go to the doctor. Tackle it before it tackles you.
You Don't Feel Like Yourself
After a while of feeling down on myself, a cloud settled over my brain. It was difficult to remember fun times in my life. When someone made a dumb joke, I just shrugged and told myself it was ok not to laugh.
It was as if suddenly everything was extremely serious. Work became too difficult. Not me! Working out was not as fun. Not me! I dreaded sleeping because waking up triggered endless anxiety. Not me! All of the signs pointed to someone who wasn't me.
Emotions Become Overwhelming, Everything Becomes Overwhelming
Just being alive made me feel like I was falling apart. How such a strong person could become so weak in a matter of months was beyond me, but it happened before I could really understand what was taking over.
Just being alone in a car triggered tears. I couldn't wake up without the knots in my stomach and a feeling of dread enveloping my body. Talking about how I felt triggered tears. It became scarier and scarier as I thought this was a feeling I'd have to live with my whole life.
When even getting up to put clothes on feels like it's too much to handle, you know it's at a point where things need to change.
Never feel like it's too late, though. I believe the best thing I could have done for myself was believe and have faith that it would pass. I admitted to myself that whatever was happening was just a symptom of something. Whether it was a hormone imbalance, a medication side effect, or a way of coping with huge life events, I promised myself I would figure it out and get help.
Although it's still something I'm still dealing with, the burden gets smaller everyday. Not only did I take time to find what was creating the problem, but I've also pin pointed areas in my life that were making the situation worse. My faith and commitment to my health are dictating my choices now.
If you feel as though you may have a mental illness or mental health problem, don't stop fighting for yourself. Life is so much more beautiful than depression, anxiety, anger, or whatever other emotion you are burdened with. Just keep believing that positivity, love, and happiness are with you and they will be uncovered again.