Leg day quickly became leg overload day and it caused my mind to wander into the abyss. Twenty minutes of legs was followed by an hour of balance and lunge poses. It really threw me for a loop. I couldn't concentrate in the least bit, feeling like a failure every time my hand slipped or I couldn't fully stretch into position.
Not every yoga session is going to be filled with success and pats on the back, I suppose. And, today I heard a message loud and clear. As we came to the end of the class, relaxing into deep twists I heard: "Release any feeling of achievement. Just be you."
I had just a few moments before told myself to not feel bad about the difficulty of class today. I told myself that I had achieved so much, despite my failed attempts. And then THIS. Release my achievement? Just let it go? But, how? I worked so hard not to feel bad about myself that I was able to lift myself up and congratulate myself.
It took me a few minutes as I tried to free those thoughts. But, after a few breaths I took a sigh of relief. You know what? No one was judging me. I was the only one holding myself to such high standards to complete balance poses and not fail at a tough warrior. I was the only one who felt like I needed to feel success to not feel failure.
When we let go of all feelings of achievement or failure or judgement, we can be free to be ourselves. I smiled after class today and felt free because I realized that my toughest critic is myself. I've driven myself to feel either successful or like a failure in so many areas of my life. But, why?
I am myself. I recognize that and I love it. Just my second day at my yoga practice and again another lesson learned.